apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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