so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
