Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
