Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
