I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
