If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
