yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is my gift to your gina
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
