life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
