Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
