The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
