Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
