She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
