Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
