I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
