she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
