I'm sorry my penis didn't work
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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