You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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