is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
