You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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