OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Moan for me like Helen Keller
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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