the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
