Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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