There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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