My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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