oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
