I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
