He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
