So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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