Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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