I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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