btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
