highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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