Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize