I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
