i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize