We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
