I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
