Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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