When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
