Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
