We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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