Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
