You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
