i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
