How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
