I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
