I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
