I think I am morally bankrupt
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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