Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
home. puking in laundry basket.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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