420 ftw
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
