I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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