speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize