a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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