my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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