i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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