i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
