Yo dont text me then not text me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
