forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
