felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
