She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize