Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
