Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
