We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
