I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
