i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Holy sore nipples Batman
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize