She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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