listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just blew my weed a kiss
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize