We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
