If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize