i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
