all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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