I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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