Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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