I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
