There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
