Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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