He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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